Letters From Home
by Ohyesidid
Summary: After a accidental fall from a cliff John receives letters from someone he never expected. After all this time he doesn't know what to do with the information he receives.
1. I Got A Letter

Just a little something I thought up not sure how I feel about it but it has been sitting on my iPod for a while now. So I thought I put it here for others to enjoy or not no pressure.

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Man, I should not have fell off of that cliff, it really tore my back up, and as I adjust my shoulder I turn back to my paperwork. I may not be able to do much but the least I can do is finish my backed up paperwork, after all Lorne has been doing more then he should be.

Due to my recent dive off the pre-mentioned cliff I haven't been doing much, mostly because my babysitters wouldn't leave me alone long enough for me to do much. Since it was just a muscle that was pulled and with a tiny bit of my charming smile thrown in I got an early release.

Even if it is just to my office to do some paperwork, I can live with that. After several hours I am done what was left and lean back in my chair, taking a deep breath as my back starts to ache again. If I would actually come in here to do it more, maybe it wouldn't always be such a large pile.

"John?" I open my eyes to see Teyla standing next to me with a worried look on her face, I smile to ease what I know is Teyla's concerned nature. "Teyla, what are you doing? Coming to steal me away for some lunch?"

As I stretch my back as best I can, I see her lean back and give me a smile that says she knows exactly what is going on. Sometimes, I feel like she sees too much but what can you do? "I was, if you are ready?"

"Let's go I am starving." We make our way to get Ronon and McKay when my com goes off, "Colonel, I need you to come to my office when you get a chance."

I frown at the request Woolsey never wanted me to stop by whenever I get a chance; it is always when he wants. "Alright I am on my way."

"Rain check on lunch?" When she nods I make my way to the Gate room trying to think what Woolsey wants but coming up with nothing. All of our off world teams have returned or about to go out, we haven't had any problems with our allies.

The Daedalus arrived yesterday with new supplies and personal, I plan to meet the new guys tomorrow. As I approach the gate room, I see Caldwell stop and wait for me to approach, we begin walking together slowly.

Over the last few years and near misses we have become friends I like to think, we have even been known to eat lunch together and talk without trying to one up the other. "Sheppard heard you took a dive over a cliff?"

I smile when I hear the laughter in his question, "Well, it's not like I did it on purpose?"

"And how did it happen?" I think back to the hazy planet filled with nothing but fog and rocky land, how do you tell someone you couldn't see the end of the cliff without seeming dense.

"Oh, you know how things are when you are trying to do too many things at once." We stopped at the top of the stairs of the gate room, since Woolsey is in no hurry to see me I don't feel the need to rush. After a couple of minutes of small talk I see Caldwell look around in confusion, before stopping to look back at me with a curious expression.

"How did you lose your babysitters? I thought I would have seen them following you or chasing you down?"

I smile as he speaks and look around myself, "Since it was just a back muscle I was able to get limited babysitting time." He gives me a raised eyebrow and I find I am glad we managed to work out our differences and have someone who gets my military ways.

"I have Ronon checking out the new recruits, since Lorne is off world someone has to do it and with me resting it was left to him. McKay was with me but then Zelenka walked by mumbling about something and I may have made the comment he looked a little confused."

I chuckle as I see the expression on his face, "So he had to run off and then Teyla went to the mainland to meet with her people. She was going to stay but I told her Ronon would be stopping by and now they are all at lunch."

Caldwell shakes his head as he thinks over what I told him, "So, let me get this straight you had Ronon check on the new guys who you don't even need to see until tomorrow and that's with your regular guy already handling him and he was I saw him."

I maintain an innocent expression as he continues his comments, "And then you made Mckay paranoid about what Dr. Zelenka was doing so he would leave and sent Teyla to the mainland under the impression that you would be with Ronon. Am I getting it all correct?"

I nod and we laugh together, after talking for a few more minutes I make my way to Woolsey's office to finally see what he wanted.

"So, what did I do this time?"

I am almost positive I saw an eye roll as he raised his head and made a motion to sit. Three years ago we would not have had this relaxed atmosphere and I would even say friendship. He stands up so he can get to something behind him, when he turns around it is an envelope.

"I was brought this by Major Wilkson as he was going through the mail, since you were in the infirmary he brought it to me. I am sorry I forgot to give it to you sooner but with the arrival of the official orders and such I momentarily forgot it."

I am beyond confused but I just shrug my shoulders as best I could and give him my best, 'okay so' look. "Once you were released I was told you were doing paperwork I didn't want to distract you due to the fact if I did I would never get those reports."

I smile at that, it is after all a very true statement, "I don't understand what exactly are to wanting me to see here?"

He hands me the envelope, it is addressed to me at the base on Earth, I am confused but only years of practice kept the shocked expression off my face when I saw the return address. It was from Dave, my brother and I feel my stomach drop.

There are only so many things that could be in this letter and I am unsure if I want to open it. I can feel Woolsey's eyes on me, when I look up I see a second letter in his hand and I feel unsettled. I don't recognize the name but in all the time since I left the Sheppard household I have never had this much contact with my family.

I take the second letter and make my way to my room, getting stopped many times but I don't mind, it keeps my mind out of the dark places it was going. I am almost to my door when McKay's voice stops me, "Sheppard."

So close, "Yes Rodney?" He gives me a once over to make sure I haven't harmed myself further since he has been down in the labs. "I don't appreciate you playing tricks on me."

I slowly smile, the one that just makes him mad, "I don't know what you are talking about. Now if you will excuse me I would like to take a nap." I turn and finally make it to my door, I have no intention of taking a nap but I find I am unable to ignore these letters.

Sitting on my bed I look at Dave's letter first it feels heavy and I find myself wondering is he writing to tell me, maybe to tell me our father has died. Or that he is sick, maybe to tell my how he feels about my life choices and his opinions on things I don't care about.

I put it to the side and look at the second letter, it doesn't feel as heavy and I don't recognize the name at all. Jayden Emerson. Why would this person be writing to me? I have no idea but I know I plan to find out, open the envelope and take out the letter.

Jayden Emerson is a man if his handwriting is anything to go by, it is a short letter about a page long, dated a month before. It gets straight to the point:

Dear John Sheppard,

My name is Jayden Emerson, I realize you have no idea who I am and I know it is most defiantly not my place to be writing to you. But I feel I have no choice anymore, I cannot continue to be a silent bystander anymore.

I am the son of the women your father is dating, I am sorry if this is the first you are hearing about it. I know the two of you have not had the best relationship and are currently not speaking and I am sorry for getting into your business.

Your father and my mother have been together for close to four years, next week I believe will be four years. Patrick Sheppard is a great man in my opinion and I know he is a different man since you last spoke, my mother has expressed her wish to marry your father.

And after four years I know he does wish to marry her also, the one thing holding him back is his son missing from the picture. In know he has not proceeded with asking mom because you are not here and my mom knowing this has respected his wish.

I know it is not my place but I love my mother and great deal and respect your father as much. Dave and I have become close and I wish to know you better as well, letting our parents find that last piece of happiness that they haven't reached yet.

Please John, contact your family. I hope to get to know you as a brother and that we can become a family. I know that if Patrick were to find out that I was writing you he would not be happy and I find I don't care, this had to be done.

Jayden Emerson

What the hell was that, my father might be getting married to this guys mother. I had no idea that he was even dating, not that I had been around in a while, he never dated after mom died that I ever saw. I guess he has every right to re-marry and move on, it has been a long time.

Why does this Jayden need to tell me, looking over at Dave's letter I wonder what it says. I don't know what to say or how to feel, I know I should contact them and say something and what if this guy is right and dad is not getting married because of me.

I find it hard to believe mostly because I remember that last fight so well, but it could be true. I put Jayden's letter down and reach for Dave's when the alarm on the door sounds telling me I have a visitor.

"Come in." I slide the letters under my pillow so they can't be seen and I know I am so not ready to share this just yet. I don't think anyone even knows about my family, the door opens to reveal Ronon with a tray of food.

"You need to eat." At my look he just stares back, "It was me or Teyla." True, very true. I take the food and we quietly talk as I eat it, my mind keeps drifting to the letters hidden under my pillow.

"Something in your mind?" Ronon asks from the chair at the foot of my bed. I think about that, Ronon is not the kind of guy to offer and I know it's because it is me that he is. I shake my head no, "No, not yet but I will let you know."

I watch as the man who is the closest thing to what I felt like my brother should have been like leaves. I lean back in my bed thinking over what I now know and what I will once I open Dave's letter. Next thing in know I am asleep and even in my sleep my mind won't stop.

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So that was the first chapter I was going to do it as I once shot but my mind got away from me and I found that I had more to add to it. Hope it was decent a little something not done too much. Peace.


	2. Come Home

I do not own Stargate Atlantis or the awesome characters.

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Married, my father wants to get remarried and according to this guy he wants me there but he won't contact me himself. I find myself staring at the letter from my soon to be step-brother telling some things I don't want to hear.

After I woke up from my nap I find myself confused and a little angry at Jayden Emerson for doing this to me. When my father kicked me out after that last explosive fight I never looked backed at that house, never looked to the two people who were my only living relatives.

Dad never tried to contact me over the years that followed and Dave never once tried to stick up for me. He always choose my father over me, even when we were kids, dad was always first. Not that it ever really upset me; he was after all the youngest and didn't remember mom as well as I did.

It was Rodney who was at my door for dinner because apparently I missed lunch and that was a no no.

"Sheppard are you even listening?" I lift and eyebrow at Rodney's tone but no I hadn't been listening. "Sorry what were you saying?" He rolls his eyes at me as we reach the table with our food, "I said is your back feeling better?"

"Yeah, I feel as good as new." But I don't look him in the eye as I speak, the mess hall is full with personal, it's filled with laughter and talk of sports and the latest news from earth. I caught Ronon's eye but I still don't say anything about the letters.

I wonder what Dave's letter says and what he wants to tell me after all this time. I wonder what this woman is like and how she stole my dad's heart. She must be something because he was never like that to me and I was his son, his oldest kid.

After mom died he closed himself off and I was forced to adapt to the change, Jayden said my dad is a great man. That's not a lie, he is but he was never one for being there for anyone but the business, makes me wonder.

What happened after I left to change my dad to this man Jayden sees, looking around the room I decide I need a distraction.

I see Lorne coming into the mess hall with his team to get some food with his freshly returned team. They look no worse than they did when they left, almost wish I had some paperwork left, ha no I don't. "I'm going to go and walk the city."

Teyla looks at me with concern; it is hard to get anything past her, "I will go with you John it has been awhile since I took a walk of the city." That's not true and we all know it but thankfully they don't say anything about it.

Nodding to everyone we make our way to the hall, I often take walks around the city to see how it's running and talk to the personal I usually wouldn't see otherwise. I know a lot of them look forward to it because it is easier than tracking me down and a few times I know it is because it means I am not hurt.

We walk for an hour before she says anything, "Is everything alright John, you have been unusually quiet since you spoke to Mr. Woolsey." I sigh knowing there is no way to get out of this kind of talk with Teyla once she decides she wants to have it.

I feel better knowing that it happens to Ronon and Rodney too, "Yeah, I have just been thinking about things from the past. My family and such, it's something I haven't done in a while." She looks at me for a long moment before smiling at me.

"If you need help let me know, for now I must go and retrieve Torran." Giving me another smile I watch her walk away and am once again happy she is around. She knows when to push and when to let it go but now that she is gone my mind has gone back to Dave's letter.

Since I am near my room I may as well find out what he has to say to me. As I make my way to the letter still lying under my pillow I can't stop my mind from wondering. Dave and I never really got along and when mom died there was nothing left between us.

I sit heavily on my bed with the letter in my hand, do I really want to know what is in this letter? Yes, I do and I know this isn't some attempt to insult me or bring me down after all he never tried before. I open the letter and I see Dave's hand writing filling the page and it takes me back to when we were in school.

It has been a long time since I have had any contact at all with the other Sheppard men. Well, here goes nothing I guess:

_ Dear John,_

_ Wow, how lame does that sound but none the less has been a while John and long while since we last spoke. I know you are not expecting to hear from me at all and I can honestly say I feel ashamed at the thought. That my only brother doesn't expect me to call or write and it gives me a bad taste in my mouth at the thought._

_I don't know why I am writing or if this will even get to you anytime soon, as I have no idea where you are stationed right now. And I recognize that is as much my fault as it is yours or dads, I know I could have tried over the years to find you but I didn't._

_And I can't even tell you why, not really but I hope that this letter does get to you soon. I am writing for many reasons and I have no idea how to tell you or even if you want to know._

_Dad has been dating this woman Elena Emerson, she is a nice lady a few years younger than dad. She is a painter and is actually pretty good too, not like the abstract painter's where you can't tell what it is. No, she does landscapes and people, flowers and things like that, they are really good._

_I know you are confused as to why I am telling you this and I can't say I am completely sure myself. Elena's son Jayden is a few years younger than me and a nice guy he supports them and just wants them to be happy._

_When he found out the vague details about you he let it go because it wasn't any of his business. But now he is not letting it go and it got me thinking that now is the time to step up and do the right thing. Dad is sorry John and yes, I know you don't believe me but it is true and he misses you._

_Dad has a lot of pride, I think we all do and he won't tell you his self but I can tell. I have seen it in his eyes here and there over the years, he wants you to come home John. Even if it only for a little while, he understands why you choose the Air Force now and he accepts it._

_He tells everyone about it and of how proud he is of you being a Colonel already. I don't want to make you feel guilty or think I or anyone else is blaming you because we are not. Elena has told dad she wishes to get married sometime in the future and I know he wants too. After four years it is time but dad hasn't moved forward because you are not here._

_He wants us both there and Elena understood even though it was never said I am sure, but the years are passing and she is slowly becoming unhappy. Of course dad won't see it until it is too late to stop her but I can tell she is reaching the breaking point._

_I told him to ask her that there is time but he shut me down, like I said I know you don't believe me but he misses you and wants you to come back. He is sorry about what he said we both are, please think about it. Elena and Jayden are great people I think you will like them a great deal._

_Please write me back or call if nothing else let me plead my case in person, I love you John we both do and we are sorry we didn't see it before._

_I miss you big brother and from years of seeing and living the regret please think about it._

_ Your brother,_

_ Dave Sheppard_

Whoa, I was not expecting that at all, Dave wrote to say he was sorry, that dad was sorry. I have no idea what to do or say, this come out of nowhere. I need to get out of here; I leave my room and head to the gym where I do some exercises to take my mind of things. Once I calm down I let my mind wonder back to the letter.

I never once thought maybe dad was sorry or wanted me to come back, I have the last I don't even know how many years without a place to call home, until Atlantis.

Once I work out my frustrations I head back and fall into my bed for a long restless night of sleep. I go through the motions as I get ready and go to greet the new recruits I open my door to find Ronon leaning up against the wall.

We don't say anything as we make our way to the mess hall for some food this is what I have always respected about the guy. He doesn't need to fill the silence with words or asks what's wrong he waits for you to say something.

Teyla and even Rodney always need words and feelings in the picture, we finally we make it to the new guys. I watch the their faces for the looks and confused whispers there are always a few you are not sure if I am the John Sheppard they have been hearing about. I don't let it get to me anymore because they learn sooner or later what's real and what's not.

It only takes a few hours to get though all the new rules and regulations, how we operate, schedules and everything else. Dismissing them I watch them leave and talk to a few who have questions, finally it is done. I feel tired and my head is starting to hurt surprisingly my back feels fine, I sit when I see Ronon has not left the room.

After we have been sitting for a couple of minutes it all comes over me at once. Ronon has always been what I felt like a brother should have been like, I know I can trust him with what I am about to say.

"I got a couple of letters from my family, one from my brother and one from my dad's girlfriend's son yesterday. I haven't talk to my dad or brother in a very long time, when I left home he told me to never come back that I wasn't his son."

Man this is harder than I thought it would be, Ronon keeps his face blank as he listens to me.

"Dad and his girlfriend have been thinking about getting married both Dave and Jayden seem to think it is not happening because dad misses me and wants me to be there, but I don't know he never once tried to apologize to me."

I want my dad to be happy I really do and I wouldn't mind seeing them again, but I don't know if I can.

"Feelings change you don't stop loving your kids, they have opened the door as you say, now it is up to you to make the next move. Things have changed, you have changed maybe this is a good thing, you have never spoken about them before, and this could be just what you need."

Wow I have never heard Ronon say so much at once and I am shocked, he rolls his eyes at me and goes to the door. Looking back he leaves me a parting thought, "What are you going to do now Sheppard, you have never run before."

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What up with that man.


	3. Number Three

I do not own Stargate Atlantis or the super awesome characters.

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Over the next couple of days I think about dad and Dave and about that last fight that ended it all for us. We never talked about it, we just parted ways and I for one made sure to stay away. In the passing years I always thought one of us would be dead before one of us would try and fix it if we ever did.

After all if your father said you were no longer his son if you left to follow your dreams how would you react? Maybe I am still holding on to all the pain and resentment that all those years of fighting and then all the time afterward when we just stewed on the negative.

But I am older now and not that teenage kid who just wanted to fly now I am a Colonel of a top secret base. That so happens to be the lost city of Atlantis and I have seen and done some things that I wish I hadn't or I did what needed to be done.

I want to write Jayden and Dave back and tell them I want dad to get married and be happy. That the past is forgiven but it's not and I don't want to lie to them but maybe I can just pretend.

Pretend that it's okay and the past is done, so let's move on but I don't see that happening. Back when I was a teenager we used to just bury it then next thing you know someone has spilled some juice and it's because I couldn't adapt or nobody cares that he was supposed to pick us up last week from school and forgot.

But it has been awhile and I don't need this weighing me down anymore, maybe dad has changed and I wouldn't know because I wasn't there. Plus if Dave is sending me a letter telling me dad is sorry and wants me there, it's up to me to make the next move.

Now if I could only decide what that should be, maybe I could right Dave back or even Jayden, tell them I got their letters and that I understand. I don't think I want to go back to Earth and see them but that doesn't mean I don't want dad and Elena to get married.

I will write them back and tell them that I wish them the best of luck. I spend the rest of the day going over reports and doing the inventory which I had been avoiding.

We are attacked and spend the next couple of days fighting for our lives and getting our city back. It only took three days but everyone come out okay, surprisingly no one died. "Colonel, how are the repairs coming?"

"Good, not much was damaged. We should be done with repairs by the end of the week, we have had to move some things around but all in all we are almost done." Woolsey nods his head and we step aside to let a few scientists pass who weren't paying attention.

"Ronon and Lorne are working with some of the new guys in hand to hand combat, I must say when I first got here I didn't understand what you saw in Ronon and Teyla but I do now. Their skills have helped a lot and saved us more than once because they were taught to the base personal."

Okay, what is he getting at this isn't usually how our talks go and he isn't usually in the habit of saying nice things about people certainly not Teyla and Ronon. Not that he hasn't been better over the last few years but still I wonder what he is getting at, I let him talk until he gets to what he wants.

"Since, Dr. McKay is working on redoing the city's systems and Ronon has been occupied with the new recruits. You and Teyla haven't had much to do and I was thinking we should change that."

Yeah still not getting what he wants right now, "Alright, I'll bite what would you like us to volunteer for this time?"

Woolsey is not very good at just telling me what he wants without some game, still he is better than he was in the beginning. "Since you will be most likely working with both Dr. McKay and Ronon I was thinking I could borrow Teyla."

"Sure, we won't be going off world for another couple of weeks, I guess." Well, that was weird we chat a few more minutes on how Woolsey needed Teyla's diplomatic skills will be helpful when the up and coming meeting with a new ally happens.

So between the attack and getting the city back to normal it's a couple of weeks before I find myself sitting at my desk trying to figure what I want to say and how I want to say it.

_Dear Dave_

_I know it has been a long time since we last spoke but I wanted to tell you I got your letter and.._

Damn, how hard can it be to write a letter to your long lost brother, this is harder than I thought it would be to write? All I have to do is tell him I got his letter and tell dad I am happy for him and wish him the best but I won't be coming back there.

Because that is what I am thinking and what I want to do, well maybe not. Would it suck that bad if I went to see them, I wouldn't have to stay but I could do it in person. Let Dave plead his case in person like he asked; maybe meet the woman who changed my dad.

Okay let me try one more time.

_Dear Dave,_

_I was surprised to hear that dad would be getting married after all this time and I wish the best for…_

Oh you have to be kidding me, why can't I do this granted I have never been very good with talking about my feelings let alone writing them down. I need a run to clear my mind, which is how I managed to get held up in the control room for a few hours.

A off world team came in hot and ended up somehow covered in this weird blue goo when they were on the planet. This week is never ending and due to the fact we had no idea what the goo was, I never got back to my letter. Does the universe not want me to write it?

Two days later I have to day off and I am not leaving this room until I have written Dave or Jayden. I am making this more difficult than it needs to be, I just have to be honest like they were with me. The Caldwell will be back next month to take my letter away it just may take that long to write this letter.

I spend the next few weeks writing my letter trying to be as honest as I can, I start with my dad and his upcoming marriage and make a few apologizes of my own. This has really made me realize how different our lives are now than they were before I left.

Next thing I know the Daedalus was there and I haven't finished I'm not ready to send my letter.

"Colonel, how's it going fall off anymore cliffs?" I laugh as I stand in front of Caldwell to oversee the unloading of our supplies. "No and I will have you know that was a onetime thing." He laughs at me before sighing some forms handed to him.

"General O'Neal wanted me to give you this, now I have to go but I will catch you after I meet with Woolsey." I take the envelope with a questioning look, why would General O'Neal want to give me an envelope?

As soon as I'm able I slip back to my room with an odd feeling, trying not to think about it. I wonder who it is from this time and how will I take it. Wasting no time in opening it this time I pull the letter out to find it is from Dave again.

_Dear John, _

_Here I am again writing to you and I have to say I like the thought that I can write to my brother. I guess I didn't know what I was missing before and I know I just sent you a letter not too long ago. Jayden just told me the other night he sent you one to, trying to get you to come _back_._

_I will say I was surprised and a little angry when I found out and I told him that. What right did he have to get in our family business and write you like that but then I calmed down and saw what he was trying to do. _

_He was doing what I and dad refused to do and I feel bad that it took Jayden to make us realize how bad we had been to you. _

_Dad finally proposed even if I get the feeling he is still dragging his feet when it comes to the wedding. I am not trying to make you feel guilty but we miss you John and we want you to come back and visit. _

_I hope you will write me back or call I don't know where you are but I worry about you and even if he hasn't said it he worries too. I know Elena wants to meet you even if she has never said it on account you are a sensitive subject. At first it was because we hadn't seen you for a long time and had buried it all so we didn't have to think about it._

_But then it was because we didn't know where you were or if you were even alive. So she let it drop after she was constantly met with silence but know they are getting married it had come up again._

_I understand if you don't want to or don't come back but I would like to reopen communication. I ask you write me back if you do nothing else John. We love you John and I hope to hear from you._

_Dave Sheppard_

A second letter from Dave I don't think he has ever wanted to talk to me this bad before. I look over to my desk to were my letter sits unfinished. If Dave can keep trying so can I and who knows maybe dad really does want to see me.

"Woolsey this is Sheppard." I wait for his to respond before telling him I need to speak to him and yes I can meet him after dinner.

As I wait I sit down and finish my letter.

_Dear Dave, _

_I was surprised to hear from you and Jayden and even more about dads wedding. I am happy for him and I think this Elena must be some woman to make dad want to remarry at all anyway. _

_I hope we can start talking again too and I am not very good when it comes to talking about feelings and all that like dad was when we were going up. But if you are willing to try then so am I and I hope that dad and I can get along too._

_I am stationed pretty far away and it will take some time for your letters to get to me but I will try very hard to answer them. I don't know what will happen but I hope we can make this work, tell dad I hope it works out with Elena._

_John Sheppard_

I seal the envelope taking it with me to grab some food before I meet with Woolsey, I see Caldwell walking toward me. "Sheppard want to grab some food?"

"Yeah, I have to meet Woolsey after we eat, hey can you do me a favor?" I see the question on his face but he nods.

"Can you drop this in the mail when you get back to Earth?" I hand him my letter expecting him to ask me questions but instead he just nods and puts it in his pocket.

I think I may go back to Earth and see dad and Dave but I am not completely sure. I will get everything in order her and then I may take my left over vacation time and go back to Earth, this is why I need to talk to Woolsey to set it up.

But who knows maybe this is just what I need.

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Will he go home or not I am undecided.


	4. It's Time

I do not own Stargate Atlantis or the awesome characters.

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I talk with Woolsey about setting up some vacation time to go back to Earth. To say he was surprised would be a major understatement; he even asked me if I was okay and if I needed to speak to someone.

I just laughed and go out on a limb and tell him I reconnected with my brother and my dad is getting married and I think I want to be there. He just nodded his head and told me whenever I wanted to just let him know and I would be on the next trip back.

I must say I feel better and I can honestly say here with this distance it may be best for right now. Yes, we haven't spoken in a good long time but that doesn't mean the feelings go away and make it all better. I know for know these letters well help us get past what we said and did.

We will be able to think before we speak and not let our tempers get the better of us like they did before.

The Daedalus leaves the following day and for a moment as I watch it leave I had a moment of panic. What if they don't get my letter? What if they didn't mean it? Did I put an address on the envelope? I only wrote Dave maybe I should have written Jayden too?

But then it was gone now only time will tell now, maybe Dave will write me back and we can become brothers again. I can say that I like getting mail from my family, having someone care enough to write to me and look forward to hearing from me.

I let the thought go and focus on work because it will be some time before I hear anything back. Over the next several months I stick with work and let my concerns over my last fight with dad fade to the back of my mind.

I decided I am sick of being in the city I need to get out and a milk run to an abandoned planet seems like a great one. I really need to stop taking these easy missions they never end well for me and you would think I would know better.

We end up trapped for two days while the field with the Stargate was flooded and with Rodney's constant complaining only made it even better. Not. By the time the flood waters receded I was about to let Ronon take his frustration out on Rodney.

Luckily, we managed to get off the planet and then Lorne's team failed to make contact the next day and we were off on a recuse mission. Once we discovered that the villagers don't like to have visitors we had to fight to get them back.

And where is the fun in rescuing my people and getting everyone home safely, let me tell you to the universe it is no fun.

Ronon and I were captured by the villager's angry friends from another village and a long two weeks began. For the first couple of days it was me and him in a small cell alone for a while, at day four we finally got some company.

They asked us a lot of questions and tried to appear intimidating but it wasn't working, after all these years it takes more than a few guys with pointy sticks to scare me. It only took a few hours after that to finally escape when one of our captors leaves behind his eyes.

Completely unknown by him, of course. We spend the next week and a half trying to find our way back to the gate. It turns out our new friends lived a ways from the gate and it takes us days to get to a point where we can begin to make our way back to the gate.

Finally, we make it back to Atlantis in one piece and no worse for ware and all in all uninjured. Even if we were running for our lives it was fun having some time to hang with Ronon and it made me think I haven't spent any personal time with any of my team.

I made myself a deal to hang with them some more and since I know exactly how I can come across it is likely needed.

"Colonel Sheppard and Ronon welcome back." Woolsey tells us when we finally come through the gate, he looks relieved to see us and so do the men in the gate room. After a checkup and quick debriefing I was finally on my way to grab some real food, not that I don't enjoy eating random creatures.

"Sheppard." I turn to find Caldwell walking toward me, "I feel like you were just here, I must have been gone longer than I thought."

He laughs at me and walks with me to get some food, "We got back to Earth in record time and were there for a couple of weeks, so all in all in has been a little over two months."

Wow, it does not seem like it was that long ago he was leaving, I really must have been behind on my paperwork if it's been two months and I am just now noticing.

"So, how's life treating you Colonel?" I ask as we grab some food and take a seat by the big windows and quietly going over what's been happening. I can still remember when we first meet and we could not get along and were always fighting.

"I got this for you; I decided to wait under the pretense of helping out to give it to you myself." He hands me two envelopes and I instantly recognize the return address and all those panicked thoughts returned as I took it from him.

One seemed pretty thick, "Thanks, I appreciate it." We part ways after that and I go back to my room and sit on my bed and stare at the envelope for a while. Oh what am I doing I have been waiting for this letter for a while and I find I am excited to know what's inside, I open the thick one first.

_Dear John,_

_I can't begin to tell you how shocked and excited I am you wrote me back. I really look forward to getting all this behind us and moving forward as a family. I read your letter twice before I gave it to dad to read and I will admit he didn't say anything to me when he took it._

_I called and told Jayden that you wrote and I felt really happy we were able to start talking. I can tell you Elena is happy to know you approve and wishes to get to know you. _

_The wedding is set for 11 months from now on August 23__rd__ I would love to send you the details and I really hope you will think about coming to the wedding and seeing everyone. I know it would mean a lot to everyone to see you after all this time, dad brags about his son the Air Force Colonel. _

_I would love to introduce you to my girlfriend Carrie and her son Tristan, he is two years old and really cute. I know what you are thinking me with a girl with a kid but she is an amazing woman, she is a writer and has published some books._

_Fantasy books about Angels and a guy who is trying to save humanity and is in love with the devils daughter. It is really good I will send you the first one because I will be sending you care packages and no you can't say no. _

_You have been over ruled by Carrie, Elena and Tristan who feel like you need something from home. I look forward to hearing from you and I know you only wrote me but I let Jayden know and he tells me he would like to continue to write you also. _

_Dave Sheppard_

_P.S. After I finished my letter dad told me he will be writing you too, I don't know how long he will take writing it but I wanted you to know._

Wow Dave is dating a girl with a kid and dad plans to write me I don't know what to say. I do know I am a little excited to get my care package; I have never gotten one before and it will be nice.

I put Dave's letter aside and pick up a slightly smaller one that I know must be my dad's. With Dave's thick letters my mind can't help but feel like it was all a lie, that this is dad telling me that Dave was wrong and he still wants nothing to do with me.

I open it slowly and take a deep breath to prepare myself to what my dad has to say.

_Dear John,_

_I want to say so many things to you and have for years, since you left I have just shut it all out. Please bare with me as I try and explain I think we both know I have never been very good at this kind of thing. Even when we had that big fight when you left home, I knew I was in the wrong but I couldn't call you back._

_John, I can tell you all this because I can write it down and think about it. But I promise that if you decide to come back I will try hard to talk to you like an adult and be there for you like I should have been all those years ago._

_I am not a man of many words and I wish I was sometimes and I just want to tell you I am sorry and I miss you. I blocked it out for a while but then I would worry if you were alive and I was so proud when I found out you were a Colonel I told everyone._

_I bet you are wondering how I found out about your promotion, I don't know if you remember Kyle Johnson. You went to school with him, he is a couple of years younger than you and he joined the Air Force too._

_We ran into each other not too long ago and he told us all about your promotion. He was stationed on your former base and the news got back to your former CO._

_All I can say is I love you John and I am proud of you. I know Dave and Jayden told you about Elena and the wedding, I really hope you will try and come. I know it might not be possible or you may not want to come but I want you to know you will be always be welcome in my house._

_Your Dad,_

_Patrick Sheppard_

Wow, I don't know what to say or do it doesn't leave me with a lot of time to decide. I never thought I would hear those words from my dad and I don't know what to do know that I have.

All I do know is that I live a dangerous life and more than once it can close to being my last moment. I leave the letters on my bed and decide to be the one to take the next step and make my way to tell Woolsey I will be going back to Earth for the wedding.

Maybe I will go a little early to spend some time with them and meet my nephew and my dad and brothers girlfriends and Jayden.

After I talk with Woolsey I see Caldwell in my office and make a detour to say hello.

"We're heading out in a couple days once the upgrades are done, so if you have anything to send out let me know." He tells me a few hours later after we check out all the protocols and going over some mission reports.

I just stare off into space before I respond and telling him thanks. I think I will write the three of them back and get the ball rolling as it were. In all my years in the Air Force I have never had someone to write too and I can tell I look forward to more.

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Finally, sorry it took so long I got hooked on the Walking Dead and it took on all my concentration.


	5. It's Here

I do not own Stargate Atlantis or the characters.

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I wrote back Jayden and Dave in no time at all and it felt good to have someone to talk to. Someone back on Earth who was looking forward to hearing from me and wants to know about my life, I told Jayden thank you for writing to me in the first place.

Along with catching up with Dave answering a few of his questions and asking some of my own, I told him I look forward to meeting Carrie and her son. It feels good to be on speaking terms with my brother and now that we are talking after all these years and I can say I am happy at this turn of events.

I only have an hour left and I haven't written anything for my dad yet and don't have a lot of time left to do it.

I stare at the paper for the longest time, I decide to go for simple and then I can write a real and longer letter later when I can really say what I want. So, with fifteen minutes to spare I write a quick letter to dad.

_Dear Dad,_

_I know it has been a long time since we last spoke but I can say I am happy to hear from you and Dave. I really did think you didn't want me back so I stayed gone but I am glad to know that isn't the case, I am happy to hear that you are getting remarried._

_Dave and Jayden told me about Elena and I am glad that you are finding someone after all these years, since mom died. I am happy for you and Dave, I would love to get to know Elena and I will try to come for your wedding._

_I have a hectic schedule and things come up at the worst times but I will let you know._

_Your Son_

_John Sheppard_

Quick, easy and simple and with minutes to spare too, I put them in envelopes and addressed them to the correct person. As I walked to the area where Colonel Caldwell was watching the loading of men and things returning to Earth, I can only hope nothing bad will happen to keep me from going to the wedding.

I talk with some of the men leaving and check over everything to make sure nothing is missing. When I say my final good bye to Caldwell I hand him my letters, "Thanks, I appreciate this." I know I'm not going through the proper chain to get and send mail but really, since when have I ever just followed the rules.

"No problem, if you don't mind me asking what's with the sudden incoming letters anyway?" The guy is personally taking my letters to Earth and dropping them in the mail the least I can do is tell him why.

"My brother and the son of the woman my father is marrying sent me letters." He gives me a 'really that's it look' and I elaborate some, "I haven't spoken to my dad since I joined the Air Force at 18 or any of my family for that matter."

Stepping to the side to avoid a few scientist he gives me an odd look, "That's a long time Sheppard." Yeah it has been a very long time but pride can take a dent out of time if you let it and man did I let it. "I know, things get said and after enough time going back just seems like a bad idea."

"But they wrote me and we are starting over and I know I should send back my letters like everyone else and do it all proper but I guess I trust you more than I do a mail sack."

He has a strange look and then I realize what I said but I won't take it back, not now. He is a good man and it's true, after shaking hands I am alone with my thoughts. So I go and find Rodney to annoy the man into having dinner with me in the mess hall.

I find myself thinking about dad's future wife and Dave's girlfriend, they must have been something to get them to change like they did.

I could go in circles thinking about my family and the fight but I can't because I have a job to do. I spend the next few weeks fighting the Wraith and Genii and somehow manage to not be hurt. Which makes me suspicious of the universe and karma, I know it's silly but I am.

Makes me think the universe is saving it for something big and it's going to hurt me bad. After some mishaps and having to more Atlantis to another planet, again, the Daedalus finally meets us with some new and much needed supplies. I spent my free time at night or when I was alone writing a proper letter to my dad to send.

It takes a week to get everything and everyone worked out and repairs the damaged parts of the city. So, I am surprised when I am stopped by a Major from the Daedalus with a box on my way to a meeting with Lorne.

"Major? Did you need help?" I ask because I don't know what he wants and the box looks heavy, "Yes, Sir. This is for you from Earth Colonel Caldwell told me to make sure you got it directly."

Package from Earth? I didn't order anything that I can remember or…..oh maybe it's the care package that Dave mentioned. "Right, thank you Major and thank Colonel Caldwell too." I take the box from him with the intention of dropping it off on my way.

Man, this is heavy what did they send me, weights? Once I have the box and send the Major on his way I leave it in my room. As much as I would like to go through it I still have work to do. I spend the rest of the day in meetings and thinking about that box.

Its well after 11 that night before I make it back to my room, I feel excited that I got something. I open the box to find letters inside from Jayden, Dave, my dad and Elena. I set them aside for now and go through the box to see what's inside.

Some magazines I liked in high school, toothpaste, soap and other little things one never really thinks about because they are always there until you go to another country, or planet. I also find puzzle books and a tin of cookies along with a book which I assume was the one Carrie wrote.

What really caught my eye was this book at the bottom, shaped like a yearbook but filled with drawings and messages. From my family and old friends and people I am positive I have never met before. Telling me how proud they were and how they hoped I was okay.

I had to put it down and look away just seeing it filled was overwhelming, I look at the letters to take my mind off the fact that that book got to me. Someone put my name and rank on the front with the Air Force colors and motto.

Dave's letter was saying he hoped I liked the package and he can't wait until I could come back. No pressure or anything and all about Carrie and Tristan and the wedding. It was nice having this again with Dave and I really hope that he is not insulted or upset my letters aren't as long.

Or that I just say what I need and finish, after growing up in that house and then all these years in the military, talking just isn't something I am used too.

Jayden is all happy and excited to hear from me and how he is sorry for just springing it all on me. How he is happy that I approve and can't wait to meet me in person and that he hopes I like the book of messages he and Dave put together.

I read Dad's next and am surprised that he wrote such a long letter, it was mostly ramblings and a talk of everyday life. All in all not a lot but it felt nice to be included like this and I know now I am going to do what I can to be there for him when he gets married.

If my calculations are correct I have four months until they get married, man time files when you're having fun with the Wraith.

I save Elena's for last mostly because I don't know what she will say and I don't want her to think she has to write me.

_Dear John,_

_My name is Elena and I am marrying your father in a few months, I just wanted to say I am glad you will try to come. I really want to meet you and have for a long time, since I first heard your name._

_I meet your dad_ _and I fell in love with him and couldn't be any happier, I moved in after two years and it was then I noticed your photo in his desk. He didn't want to tell me about you and then when he did it was a tense subject._

_I don't know what happened but I want to let you know you will always be welcome in this family and I hope whatever is broken can be fixed. If you can't come to the wedding you can always come and visit and stay with us._

_I was writing this when I realized Dave, Jayden and your father are writing you also, along with Carrie making you a care package. So I thought to save you some trouble of remembering all of our addresses just send them all to Dave and he will make sure we get them._

_If you want to write all of us or maybe you would prefer a general letter to everyone. Whatever you decide I look forward to hearing about you and from you, I hope you stay safe._

_Elena_

Wow, even in writing she seems amazing to me. I write them all back and I find it easier to do now. If I was standing in front of them in person it might be different. Now, all I need is for nothing to happen in in the next four months so I can go to the wedding.

I place all my letters in a giant envelope with Dave's address to send to Earth. I don't want to send a letter to the whole family, I like the idea of talking to each person and always having someone write me and it is easier than sending four separate letters.

I wrote their name son the folded papers before sealing them with stickers I found in the care package and putting them in a bigger envelope.

For two months it looks like my prayers have been answered and nothing bad happened. I get caught up on my paperwork and the city of Atlantis is running very smoothly that I can't complain. Or I couldn't right up to one of the scientist getting infected with some mind altering virus.

Perfect, so the Daedalus arrives but can't dock because we are trying to kill this virus and keep everyone from getting infected. It is a long two and a half weeks before we get in under control and then we have to recall the gate teams that were stuck off world and get everything running again which takes another couple weeks.

I completely forget for a little while about my family and the wedding until I was filling out paperwork and saw the date. The wedding is less than a month away. With the way things have been going I won't make it.

I feel disappointed at the thought, since the whole off world for two weeks thing with Ronon I have been spending more time with my team to hang out and bond, so they know all about it. Well, not a whole lot but enough to know when it was and sending there well wishes to my dad.

But now there is no way I am getting back to Earth any time soon, I hope they didn't get there hopes up. I knew all that quiet and easy missions was too easy and the Pegasus galaxy was playing a trick on me.

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Ohhhhhhhhhhh, no.


End file.
